Experience

Life has so many lessons intricately woven into the fabric of our every experience.  I feel likened to a sponge  soaking up new wisdom. My ear drums and eye gates are the ways in which they penetrate to pollinate my consciousness.  We could go blind and never notice, so caught up is our focus elsewhere. My advice: smell the roses and watch a few sunsets, taste the nectar and ride on the wind. Explore your majestic environment. Live to learn and learn to live.

I am not where I've been

Or where I now stand

I am me

Unequivocally

Not my situation defining me

I am ever changing,

Ever evolving to a better me

I am possibility unfolding

The hands that you're holding

I am mother, sister, daughter, lover, friend

Far too vast to comprehend

Or to be summed up

to neatly fit one label or title

You never know who you might run into

So don't box me in

Boxes won't hold me

The world can't control me

I am a wild flower

And who I am is my super-power...

What do you do when it hurt so bad you can't feel anything else? 
What do you do when you are stuck in rinse and repeat, an endless loop that never seems to cease? 
Where do you run to from you, since you are part of the problem, the problem part of you? 
What do you do when you can't comprehend a goddamn thing that does not include where you are at or where you came from? 
The situation changed but the pain remained.
How do we release the aftermath of a disease cured?
Who has the answer? 
What's the word? 

How do I heal my mind from scar tissues, the small vestiges that remain from a long life of pain? Even if the days were few, the pain outgrew the time frame, and the scars throb afresh? 
What do we do now with what we have left?
Somebody please school me, cause am blue b, and I would like to see the sunshine again. 
So why do I embrace the pain like a second skin, as if it were my only friend?
Perhaps I imagined the crowd, and there was no one else around but him.

Moshia' Pen

#questioningtheuniverse

Flash Fiction: Dresses

Dresses

Jesse removed her clothes from the dryer hastily. It’s getting late she thought, and I haven’t even started dinner yet. My children are probably at home wondering when dinner will be ready. “Are you okay”? She asked Collin (her boyfriend), who was standing just a few feet away. He was trying desperately to fold a fitted sheet neatly. “I’m fine baby, just a little tired”, he replied, and continued to arm wrestle the fitted sheet. Jesse was wearing her earplugs as was her habit when she did laundry, and would only remove one earplug when it was extremely necessary. They had no machines in her apartment complex, so every couple of weeks they went to the laundry mat. Jesse was folding as quickly as she could, singing and dancing, when she reached in the basket for another piece of clothing to fold, and found herself holding that dress. They were starting to pile up those dresses. Beautiful, tainted dresses with bipolar memories of being dolled up with powdered cheeks and red lipstick, taken out to floss, then after hours had passed and a few glasses emptied, bruised and confused she returned home, beaten down physically and mentally. She’d pass by the mirror, noticing that the beautiful creature that had walked out in the dress earlier, stayed out in the street and sent home this mess. The dress wore not a snag, nor stain, nor a stitch out of place to tell the tale; never got ripped or damaged in the turbulence. All was intact, as if oblivious to the facts of the outing. Her eyes began to burn as the scene replayed in her mind just as vivid as the first time. “Are you okay, he asked? You don’t look so well”. “I am okay baby, just trying to figure out how i’ll cook the chicken tonight. Turning her back, she blinked several times trying to keep her tears at bay before they gave her away. “Baked chicken you think, since it’s getting late”? Jesse asked, he said “fine”. But she could see it in his eyes that he knew, something was out of place and he was being played by her poker face. She pretended to be too busy to notice. Jesse thought of the beautiful pictures she took in her short, tan and black, leopard-spotted, dress, with black patent-leather and mesh stilettos when she first got dressed. How he held her close to his side, proud to brandish this delectable dish on his arm, she felt proud too, but now the sentiments’ gone leaving only bruises, deception, and her feeling forlorn. Dresses retain these memories, like souvenirs of our travels, anchored to our timelines. She wondered if rich women throw out these types of dresses, or if she’d keep them if she had a choice. Why bother to throw them out she thought, we keep the culprit who stains them again and again? We should probably not wear dresses, since they’re so prone to stains, she thought. Why bother to wear them when love only smears them on date night? Why is it always the pretty dresses that are stained in these excursions, she thought? “I took away you sparkle didn't I, Asked Collin with tear filled eyes as he stared at her hands? She had been folding the same dress much longer than she'd noticed. She pushed the object towards him, covered her face with both hands and ran to the bathroom. He watched as she hurried away, and then held the dress up to his face kissing it softly then gently whispered into the fabric; I am so sorry I stained you.

FALL

Oh jagged, ragged pieces

Broken token 

Her Heart cries

I loved

I loved hard

I loved to my demise

The offering so warm 

So sweet to the taste

He relished in their revelry 

Licked his fingers

Cleaned  his face

Sedated 

She waited 

For love would conquer all

He was to catch her

Yet he watched her

He watched her heart fall

Saddened by her weakness

She questioned herself:

Did he love me?

No

Not really 

He just wanted to feel me

For himself.

 

 

 

BLOOD LINES

My heart bleeds daily

And I'm starting to think that maybe it will never cease 

My soul seeks reprieve 

I've been hurt once too many

And the pain multiplies with each day that passes by

Even though I try so hard to let go

My soul seeks closure

This is not the way life is suppose to be

Worst of all my seeds grow in a barren wasteland 

Saying change soon come 

And seeing none

The main feature is a rerun  

I wish our love hadn't  grown sour 

But I suppose the hour of change was upon us

Our empire crumbled to dust

and I walked away filled with wrath

A hole likened to a precipice in the middle of my heart

I try hard to let go and then

Here comes another blow 

and we are right back here again

When all I want is to be free

From the bonds that once held sway

Our fates trapped together

Suffocating each other

Reason snuffed out by misdeeds 

Only room left to fight

Unless you heed my plea

To set me free tonight...

 

 

 TRY A TING

Though her pain is palpable

Visible 

Part of her attire

Her strength and determination

Shimmers bright  in her eyes

Her light shines out loud

She stands out in a crowd of daisies

So fragile yet her strength amaze me

She prioritizes 

Launders the linen

Plays with the children 

Washed in shame

She salvages her name from the muck

One act at a time 

Soon they all multiply 

Mi naah tell you no lie

We can't sit here and cry

We haffi try a ting...

My feet have trod miles a million
I touch the flowers n cry when I kill them
I taste the sweet but I pucker at their Children
I sip the wine but the bitter bothers
And all the words I'd like to say get smothered
I gather the smoke the fire disperses
And I feel the pain that the lonely nurtures
And I cry too.
 

Moshia Pen
#drinkpoetry

 

 

RAINDROPS

Raindrops on my pillows

Thunder rumbling in the heavens

Dark gray clouds and lightening

Life can be frightening 

But all too exciting to miss

The first kiss was good

And puppy love had flavor

It was different from these days

We made love in many ways and didn't spoil the sheets

Paying very little attention

We made our ascension and enjoyed something sweet

Like meat after a vegetation diet

One just can't be quiet while devouring 

With oohs and ahhs 

Parted lips and dropped draws

Like the satisfaction of a win

Life is filled with many things 

 Joy and pain 

Love and hate

Yet still we anticipate

A world out of balance

With love and comfort only 

Where you don't have to compromise to eat

And little children can roam the fields fearlessly

Dreaming beyond our galaxy

Getting lost in their fantasies

Creating beauty from the palate of their minds

We may feel like it would be ideal

But trouble stretch us and teach us

Life would be empty without growth

What are our lessons worth

Or do they make wisdom worthy of us

The human spirit finished triumphant and glorious

We fight till we are victorious

Without the fight there can be no victory

I am trying to solve this mystery called life

Before I go down in history 

A disgruntled mans wife

A tool used and then discarded

And left to watch the raindrops

falling on my pillows...

KARMA

Go kick rocks

You sly fox

Don't out-slick yourself

Hurting the innocent

Is bad for your health

Silver tongue devil

so far from my level

Trying to reach me

I am too tall for y'all

My character precedes me

You might not follow

But soon you will feel me

Keenly I take in your deeds

But never retaliate

Watching intently to see what they equate

Study to show yourself approved then

The wicked thoughts you think for me

Might visit you in the morning

Watch out now

Though you don't see how your selfish acts affect me

This life can be most unfriendly

No need to fear me

My arms are short

But don't think you can outrun

the long arms of The Lord.

 

 

LOVE'S TERRAIN

In betwixt us too there is desert to cross

where the sun blazes hot without mercy

where the rivers have gone thirsty

And no birds fly

Though its rough and rugged love is willing to traverse

Life without love can be akin to a curse

So it wouldn't matter how high the mountainside

Or how steep or how rocky

It wouldn't matter how deep the ocean floor

Nothing can stop me

My love for you is wider than the universe at large

And no matter where you are

Or what peril the journey might boast

I'd risk it all just to close to you.

 

 

INSOMNIA

Which words can I pen to soothe me

This savage hurt that bruise me

Is so undeserved

Who is there to care for me

My wounds to tend

When it's half past two

And I'm stuck in my head

Grounded in body from astral flight

love seized the day

And ravaged the night

Which words can right this feeling

Which thought can make it right

What thoughtless deed has caused me to deserve

This loveless sleepless night?

What can I write to put my heart to rest

My mind at ease and keep my heart from pounding ferociously out my chest

Which words can return to me

This peaceful night to rest?

 

WRITING SALVE

The hardest thing to do, I have discovered:

is to stay quiet when I'm hurt, sad or angry

Then my tongue tries to hang me,

but that's when I need to be quiet post haste

Lest yesterday's good becomes todays waste...

Then I begin to write

As I do 

I somehow I sift through the uglies 

Like balmex on blistered lips

The journey soothes my bruises 

I emptied it all on a sliver of a tree

It took my pain and refreshed me

Renewed my fervor 

To push a little further

A ray of light shining through my window

Just enough to make my skin glow

And intrigue me to dig my heels in

and see where this thing goes....

I feel a lot better, thank you...

MIDNIGHT

                                                                  
                                                                       MIDNIGHT

Where is loves sweet kiss at midnight

To where has its tender embrace dispersed 

Had I been just  lonely

Would it hurt even worst?

I doubt it...

M. Pen

 

 

 

PAINTING PICTURES

I'm not always Picasso 

But some days I can lasso the wind

Call down the sparrow 

Cause thunder and lightening 

If I believe I can 

I can do it

My mind tries to lie sometime

But I know what the truth is

If you are clueless you can miss it

 If you don't you are a misfit

But pride is a bridge to a precipice 

Humility benefits character 

Not talking passivity 

Strength is what we're after

The darker the tunnel the brighter my light shines

Clutching to this heart of mine

My love is my savior 

And ambition keeps her from unseen behavior

Until she levitates and takes flight

I am not always Picasso  

But I'll paint you a picture in-spite...

 GET OFF

Every time you lie to me

You die to me a little more

I  bend

And calmly  retrieve my hearts pieces

From the floor

Once you were my world 

now; just a dark corner

 I respected you 

Now; I scorn you

With all your drama

How did you fall so far from grace

When once you were a god to me ?

Now fed up with all your fallacies

How could you get caught with your hands burning

Yet still deny the fire?

You're not learning 

So you just keep at it 

while I watch you 

burn to ashes 

I don't know where you went 

And I don't know who this is 

perhaps while I was unaware

you snuck in your representative 

I  can only ascertain from  your actions 

You haven't an ounce of  remorse

When I find rest in love

Your decisions shame me

I try to work it out

But I  still can't change me

I despise your foul offering of half hearted commitment

I won't pretend I agree with your position

You can do better 

and I expect the best

Are you suggesting I dumb down

And come down to where you want me?

I disdain that I must disappoint 

But that's not what was taught to me

If you want me

Give your heart to me

Be a part of me 

Work with and not against me

Your empty promises leave me hallow and jaded

We would have made it if you were honest 

But true love requires letting go of your heart

To grab hold of mine

You kept yours in your palms fisted the whole time 

You weren't open to receive me

Or you wouldn't deceive me so often

Deception alienated the tender heart 

The roller coaster rolled on endlessly

I had to get off

Even though it was heart wrenching 

My soul was parched and needed tending 

So I freed myself from bondage

Then time healed all the damage 

Once I got off...

  PEKA

I opened my arms and held you

In the realm you originated 

When your spirit visited 

I was so inquisitive to know you

To smell your fragrance

And touch your soft skin 

You breathed me in

And I exhaled you

Now beautiful and free 

with brand new garments

The moment I saw you 

my heart fell softened

And I emptied my vessel

To see you grow

Then my heart was shattered 

as I watched you go...

 
WHEN THE DAM BREAKS

I have so much to say 

But I shy-clam-up

I start out great but get nervous

The day soon approaches when I'll drop these crutches

When these insignificant 

Inefficiencies no longer hold sway

The dancing and merriment to be experienced that day

You can only hold water back so long

One day it will swell and break the dam

What a day that will be

Then you'll see me for who I am...

I can only speak what I've lived through and proven, 

Though some views are colored by my bruises, 

But you'll live to tell the tale
By the way my books are on sale
Buy one and enter the mind of a broken butterfly healed

My words will take you places 

Transcend you through mind 

And teach you a lesson
With a sweet little rhyme 

Go ahead buy one
And try one on for size 

I promise you
Locked inside is a sweet, sweet surprise
Life reflected through my eyes 

Back through yours 

Breaking down barriers and unlocking doors 

We commune ...

-M Pen

SCARS

I try to be calm and beautiful

But I am full of fear and  angry

All these emotions trying to hang me

I could use one word to describe

But instead I use five

Never  able to say enough

The words I use don't heal 

Instead they reveal pain

And they're poisonous to witness

So people mind their own business

Certain words just aren't nourishing

And are far from encouraging

Rage searching for release

Can I have some closure please

Or at least a reprieve from these scars...

 

-Moshia' Pen