SOMETIMES

Sometimes I wish I could just be me
without offending
sometimes I wish people were real
But we're all pretending
Sometimes freedom of expression is cool
Sometimes self control is the rule
sometimes I love what you do
Sometimes it's what you do 
that makes me blue
sometimes

#EWAY

So much to say but it's time to run... It's a beautiful day even without the sun. Cause I got SUNSHINE on a cloudy day.
Hope you do too.. BLESS

THE BROKEN BUTTERFLY JOURNALS # 13

So now  he and I are vibin to "ONE AND ONLY" by Adele.  My True love's song. My metaphysical dream song.
I hope it's OUR song papi. Just yours and mine! So why did my mind just do that? Mar something so beautiful with doubt. A dirty piece of work my mind can be sometime, nursing insecurity- dirty pool - still who wants to play the fool. I'm sure he's nursing a few too, but don't we all experience doubt at some point or another? Hmm word to the mother. Off that.
I am happy when I'm with him, and everyday I crawl more out of my shell, allowing me to be more me.

I love the way he looks at me
And reflects back what he sees
I glow

As this thing grows inside me
He's standing right beside me
Proud as a peacock

He mounts me from the back
Pounding away at my perception

Peeking my curiosity
What kind of love could this be

#EWAY

LET... LOVE... LAST...

THE BROKEN BUTTERFLY JOURNALS #17

Yesterday spilled over into today. I stayed up all night with my boo, loving and snuggling till work snatched him away from my loving arms. The night was definitely HOTT. We made love times over and watched two beautiful movies about love and music. Now he constantly tells me he loves me and I'm beautiful. 
With each act of love and kindness my love deepens
And the freak's peaking out, boy is she!

His love makes me dizzy
His kisses makes my secret place throb
his love sessions leaves me quivering softly
purring like a kitten
Am smitten
Love has taken over me
Like a puppeteer controlling me
Am I still a G
If am oozing all over
Like hot lava
Molten from loves fire
This heat takes me higher
With each thrust
Till BOOM - SPLASH
We spontaneously COMBUST
Ugh!!!

I thought I had forgotten how to love flesh
Cause when love came before it made an awful mess
took my ability to trust or experience desire
But love has healed me
Just MY love really
Now I can feel everything
Sensitive to the touch
Time did her thing
Repaired this Beautiful Butterfly's wing
Then gave something grand
In the form of a man
My king to be sure
And tonight
We will love some more
4 SHO

#EWAY

And I AM always EVA POWAFUL...

THE BROKEN BUTTERFLY JOURNALS #16

Since the other day when I saw Patrick, I have dreaded mothers day. For years now mothers day has held no significance to me since I was never really respected or treated as a mother, and my mother who I once had the utmost respect for, she has let me down so many times that mothers day became a nuisance. Just another sad day. When I saw my uncle Patrick at moms house the other day I was furious, enraged. I wanted to crush him with my car. But my anger with him pales in comparison to the taunting of my mothers betrayal. The most hurtful thing to me is: Mother is so accepting of my rapist. It really doesn't matter what he did to me. I am not important. Me or my feelings or the impact his actions had on my life, my heart, my children, the man I love or my mind. I feel the sting of rejection and have wallowed the stench of betrayal.
But never mind all that.
I hope mother and her rapist brother and who ever else is in cahoots with them enjoy their mothers day. I know I will. But I won't keep your dirty little secret hid, god forbid. What would happen to the unsuspecting kids you're neglecting. It's time for judgement,punishment and closure. Karma will be there soon to bend that ass over. Time for YOUR beating.

Inspite of all the hate, betrayal and neglect surrounding me
I AM still a G
I could be cracked out whored out crazy as shit
But somehow my strength won't have it
I grow more determined with each blow
Each time the sandpaper rubs me
I only get more lovely
They tried to kill the flower
But multiplied her power
No tears for me now
I don't and I won't bow
My head down in shame
Because your ass is lame

Your abuse didn't define me
Matter of fact
Thank you kindly
I developed alligator skin
Now your hate's not penetrating my tough exterior
And my heart stays protected by my inner G
I know you wish you had a heart like E
But keep your blinders and your heart of stone
Focus on your duplicities and leave me alone
Thank you
You've done enough
If you never love me TUFF

#EWAY

There are other damsels left in his wake, who won't speak, but I speak for their sake. I love you both n I overstand...

I AM and will always remain that EVA POWAFUL dame...
LET... LOVE... LAST... LONGER...

THE BROKEN BUTTERFLY JOURNALS # 15

Is it not all you dreamed? Love manifest, or is it?
Why does it only come on roller coasters? Why does my heart feel so tired, so weary? God of all can you hear me, why is something supposedly good so scary? Why does it steal from me? Why do I feel so low and blue. Maybe I should have never given my heart to you. Why does loving you make me hate me? Why does it steal my power and render me weak?

I hate love
Like Toni Braxton and Weezy
Cause Love don't love me
Weak and pathetic, useless emotion
Cherished above all else
Eyes leaking, heart crushed by regret
Am I such a fool to be here again
Pretending my enemy is my friend
Everytime I give in to this treacherous feeling
I find death more appealing
With razor sharp claws
Ripping at my resolve
This stupid ass shit called love
F*** you love
Leave me be
Go fly a kite or climb a tree
Just stay the f*** away from me

Fear = Separation
Love = Sometimes degradation
either way it's a volatile situation
Dramatic, explosive
Lacking in peace

You let love knock you around
Compliments of your yearning
Reaching out constantly
I see you deserve this
Stop chasing things that render you useless

Is this what I wanted
Seems I'll only ruin love
With all my baggage
I just keep scewing love
It's like fight night
No glove
Knocked out the ring
HURRY Pick yourself up
Jump right back in
Chin up next beating
Hold the rope though don't fall
Next week again
You'll rush to give it all

Love will crush you till you fall to pieces and stay there
run and get it now cause it won't be here
See here
My soul it's been crushed
Ran away with love in foolish rush
But love wasn't running away
It was trying to save me

Hmm fools rush in
Desire leads to sin
Love dummed down
And I thought I'd drown

#Eway

My poetry is not always for the faint of heart, but it's always me...
I hope you enjoy the ride and the rush...
And as always I AM EVA POWAFUL TAURUS BULL...

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TUFF

I love you ERICA
Even your anger
Your righteous indignation
To uncalled for situations
YOU are a G mami
Don't let them fool you
You are wonderful
Kind , thoughtful and honest
Stay true to you
F*** what they promise
You have compromised enough
If they don't love you
Then tuff
Love is suppose to be real
F*** this artificial stuff
Anyway I tried to do it
It was more bitter than sweet
So screw it

#EWAY

·         

I Love You
Author: Dave Lawrie

I never really knew you
You were just another friend
But when I got to know you
I let my heart unbend

I couldn't help past memories
That would only make me cry
I had to forget my first love
And give another try

So I've fallen in love with you
And I'll never let you go
I love you more than anyone
I just had to let you know

My feelings for you will never change
Just know my feelings are true
Just remember this one thing
I will always love you....

#EWAY

THEN why was I hurt n alone last night
When I did everything in my might
to be with YOU

You were all I wanted
so I sorted out my affairs
Told everyone there that I loved you
thought just i had trust issues
But in the end it was you who couldn't trust
and that was the end of us

I walked away but kept bleeding
Didn't stoke the flames
my heart hurts so bad
But there is no one to blame
Should have made better use of the time I had
Had I known our love was a fad
A faze
just an experience really
Up all night hurting alone
With you on my mind
Was all our good loving just wasting time
All I wanted was you in my heart n my bed
The winds of change blew
And swept love away
With all of it's sweet promises
Along with my hopes that love lives
And even though it hurts me to say
I love you either way…