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THE BROKEN BUTTERFLY JOURNALS #8

I am having a most pleasant morning inspite of the many hurdles I have to jump mentally and physically, but I suppose to whom much is given much is expected.

I AM "eva powaful" that explains it all. Because of all my gifts, talents and the other positive things I brought with me - no f*** that, It's my energy.

LOVE and LIGHT are hard working words.

To whom much of either is given, much is required.

My love is heavy.

I profess not to like people, yet I go out of my way to help them, however I can, whenever they call. But I am very happy to be where I am spiritually and physically. I know I will appreciate it in retrospect but who am I fooling?

I AM a creator. Where I stand @ any given moment is my point of creation, whether I choose to utilize the opportunity to use my now to create my later or not. Because I am positive and hopeful now, the things I am positive of and hopeful for must manifest.

I will one day find a way to use everything I have learned to my benefit. I must.

I will not be defeated by my surroundings, be it person, place or thing.

I AM  EVA POWAFUL

I will always be

Say my name

It only empowers me

ERICA = Ever powerful, ruler

By Erica Freckleton

THE BROKEN BUTTERFLY JOURNALS #7

I have been distracted by the talking cat (on my cell) for a few minutes now. lol.. I think I will play some sodoku with __ today.
It's so wonderful to have someone I can relate to on an intellectual level. I love sodoku and I want to know what it does to enhance my learning or which chakra am working on when I do a soduku puzzle. Any who this dude has been pursuing me lately, showing up everywhere, looking like "I need rehab" ewee plz stop it. all in my face smiling and tryn to get my attention. Wow, get a job. Seriously why not spend sometime working out your presentation? Still, I gotta remember who I am in the grand scheme of things though. I am a goddess and he a mere confused mortal. I don't want him. I want something real and tangible, I want a god in flesh, Who is capable of enormous self control, who neither abuses women or get bored easily and shirk their responsibilities. I want a man rich in character and ambitious as well. I am too beautiful, intelligent and talented to waste my life, time or anything else with a man that has nothing to offer and no ambition. Hurry up and show yourself some love boo so I can love you too. Anyway on a lighter note, check out this little poem I wrote...

LETTER TO LITTLE ME

You are the heart of me
The most important part of me
I need you to let go of the pain
So we can properly love again
Open up to love
Open up to joy and peace
Trust and accomplish your dreams
Let go of everything that makes you so tense
And scared
Let go of your hurt apprehension and fear
You are loved and all is well
Let go lil one and be free
Be free beautiful
Be you
And TO THY OWN SELF BE TRUE

BY Erica Freckleton

THE BROKEN BUTTERFLY JOURNALS #6

Beautiful art is cleansing. 
It's transcendental beauty purifies us somehow, invigorates and restores us. 
True beauty is life changing to behold...

I want to be inspired to write something so moving, haunting even.
The whole world will be moved by it and want to possess it. Everyone will want to know more of this creative mind. They will wait patiently, anticipating when next my pen touches paper and they are privy to feel my words, serenading their consciousness and seducing the inner child to dream of grandeur and a life well lived.
SO LET IT BE...
By Erica Freckleton

To accomplish great things,
we must not only act,
but also dream,
not only plan
but also believe.
- Anatole France

THE BROKEN BUTTERFLY JOURNALS PART 5

I am rich, I feel rich.
Everything I want and need for myself and my children cost money.
Most of our struggles are caused by the lack of money, and most of our decisions are tailored and our attitudes colored by this sliver of paper. I am being reduced daily to something less than beautiful by my need to survive and keep my children fed. Hence we play the dollar game. I've seen so many people reject their true selves and morph into something less, to get the money that they need to feel free. Only to discover themselves enslaved by their own greed, soiled doves. Leaves blowing on the wind of chance and change, saddened by their secret shame. No one must know, but they know and they can't seem to forget. So they punish themselves cause they feel they deserve it. The whole world is going crazy over money. I don't want to be apart. I want to be moneys master, not mastered by money. 


 By Erica Freckleton

WORDS


Words wield amazing power
Power to evoke a host of different emotions @ will
I love you 
I hate you
you're beautiful
she's dead
Just watch your reaction
To the words that I said
It's amazing to me
How a phone call
Can change your whole day completely
A text can do it too
Try it for yourself
Text someone "I love you"
Just for fun to see what they'll do
I love words
There are not enough words to explain
The power we wield with only our name
Words are kind
Words are gentle
They are truly instrumental
I am so grateful for the power of speech
To create and also to teach
Words are magical
I consider them a blessing
Just speak the right words when your stressing
And before you know it
Your in the right spirit
Word
Sound
And POWER

By Erica Freckleton

Caught up

Late at night 
when flesh misbehave
lust takes center stage
hearts break
love aches
the foundations shake
let love last
cried the maiden 
fair and sweet
her man just got caught up
on 21st street
hurry back
with the milk....

Passion unfurls
as the curtains part
her bedchamber exposed
he knew the favors
to be received
heard she would
get down
down on her knees
took what she offered
in a haste
quick
not a moment to waste
gotta get back
with this milk... 

BY Erica Freckleton

HERE'S MY HEART:

I didn't want this right now
Didn't want him on site
Yet he crept in my heart
Like a thief in the night
His manners were impeccable
Treated me like crystal 
So sweet
Made me weak 
With just his gestures
And they were all nonsexual
He wooed me all day
And then
He wrote all over my heart
With his pen
Now I tremble in anticipation
Wait patiently and compromise
Add his words
Plus the look in his eyes
He's getting warmer too
Guess cupid did his voo doo
Now I can't wait
To touch him, feel him
And I'll even tell
I snuggle in close
Just to catch his Smell
I mean scent
And this really don't make no sense
But I couldn't deny it
And I won't even try it
Cause it's providence

        #EWAY

 I AM NOTHING IF NOT RHYTHM

I am nothing if not rhythm, without and within.. I feel it when I walk and in my speech patterns. I see it everywhere, I hear it in my sleep and I wake up with my mental radio ( I have one of those ) playing which ever song it preselected for my listening pleasure.

I am nothing if I don't dance. Music is magical. It could stop my tears in an instant or bring tears to my eyes just as quickly. I love to dance, I feel so alive when I do and creative and happy too.  I am very grateful for music and dancing, mostly though I am super-di-duper grateful for the ability to write. My writing heals me, comforts me, confronts me and records the me I am today, tomorrow and forever. Since I am always getting better it's my measuring stick if you will. Anyway I AM always and ever will be EVA POWAFUL and that speaks volumes. So let it BE…

By Erica Freckleton

LOVE ROTTS

Love rots

So go kick rocks

Love is a thief

A liar

A most pretentious

Little sneak

Conniving, manipulating

Also a cheat

A heartless devourer

Of goodness and cheer

Complicating everything

Filling me with fear

Then there's the jealousy

Which is hate mildly put

Love is a cold dark night

A kick in the gut

Love rots..

By Erica Freckleton

Lonesome

Disconnected, lost

empty, barren, blah

no zest, no zeal, no hope

alive without pleasure

nothing to hold so dear

cold and lonely

wondering why i'm here

unfulfilled and dissatisfied

drowning in the tears i cried

darkness threatening to devour

pining away

cowering in the dim

no one to hear the sobs

no comforting shoulder in site

no love for the lonesome

not tonight

By Erica Freckleton

HOTT

IT would seem I have fallen for you

My body keeps calling for you

"Moist" and tingling sensations abound

Captured by it

Enamored by it

Trapped in a maze

Conjuring ways to gratify this need

Satisfy this greed

This lust

Or is it so petty

Could this be something more exclusive

More civilized

If only I could see

Past the butterflies in my tummy

And the look in his eyes

When he says he loves me

my heart has wings

But my body needs attention

Still it's hard to be sure

If it's love or not

So intense

So surreal

So hott 


By Erica Freckleton                                               

Where oh where

is MY "one and only"?

If... only HE

was here to hold me

and chase away

these lonely blues

I need to be loved

not to be used

and only YOU will do..

no substitution jitsu plz

I can see

the forest for the trees

or can I...

Do I justify my fear

by pretending

You're not here

Oh where

Oh where is

my ONE AND ONLY...

By Erica Freckleton

TUG-O-WAR

Back and fourth

push and pull

you push me

I pull you

we push each other away

instead of pulling together

all this pushing and pulling

to loves demise

the heart cries tears of blood

crucifying and being crucified

we wallow in the mud

one heart connects many

hurting me hurts plenty

love has become the enemy

a dirty deplorable sentiment

so I quit this tog-o-war shit

love rots am through with it..

By Erica Freckleton

I WON'T CALL

I won't call

even though my heart keeps calling

and you cross my mind often

that still don't soften

my resolve

whether it's love pure and true

I still won't call you

though my arms ache to hold you

I can't control you

makes me feel empty

when am not filled with you,,,

I still won't call you

I know I've been through before

my strength grew

and even though

I LOVE YOU

I refuse to fall

and I definitely " wont call "

By Erica Freckleton

Reminiscent Of love

I long for those days

when we stared in each others eyes

and through touching

lost touch with time and space

when only you and I existed

simultaneously

when we got lost in each other

without feeling smothered

exploring euphoric release

sex was nice

but the vibing was xtra sweet

we were hott

surreal

unique....

back then when love was lovely

when i loved you and you loved me..

THE BROKEN BUTTERFLIES JOURNALS PART 1

Why am I alone?

I had hoped due to recent events, that i would have company tonight or @least the comfort of knowing I am not alone - loveless - I guess i am a lil disappointed. Strangely i don't regret my actions this time, I will not repeat them however. The next time I feel the need to let go with a stranger ( I really don't know him) I will remember to be stiff and unyielding, Cause now I feel like an addict, a fiend, actually I was worst earlier. I am grateful for my ability to quickly put things in perspective and move on..

Soooo here we grow again.

My strength grows with each blow

disappointment frustrates

missing you brings tears to my eyes

and pain in my heart.

indescribable this unwanted assault

all in the cards

when we play hearts...

                              #EWAY

THE BROKEN BUTTERFLY JOURNALS PART 2

I really miss that feeling of abandon I was able to feel or allowed myself to feel when we touch. I think we need some touch therapy. I was alot more receptive to sex when our touch game was hott. It was better. His gentle touch made me feel giddy and a bit entranced, out of sorts.. But I was healing, not to mention feeling like I could fly. The world was my oyster, I had grown new wings, but now brought low by feelings of distrust and the fear of being left with self-disgust. I can hear love calling and I can hear my hearts rebel. If love is so good why do I end up feeling so blue. Maybe the trouble is trying to find love outside of you... Hmm..

I wanted to feel love- pure and true

I wanted to taste the unspoiled fruit

of truth and love as one..

What I want from love is truth

something real

not artificial commercial appeal

not the watered down version

so popular these days

Love that unlocks the gates

to a different reality

love that you can't duplicate

when you're not with me...

Love that sets us both free

not just you and imprison me...          


                                      #EWAY 

THE BROKEN BUTTERFLY JOURNALS PART 3

I woke up today and looked at myself naked in the mirror. I was displeased by the fact that I had lost some weight and my ass seem to have gone completely flat. I spent the next few minutes deliberating over the best method to replace the cushion in my derriere, Then I looked myself over again.

CLOSER

only to find, I had always looked this way ( give or take a few pounds here and there ).

Beautiful...

Beautiful, clean, golden honey complection,

petite, well proportioned.. I AM a 5ft 4in goddess

with eyes that are innocent, flirtatious, loving and mischievious

all at once. I have more sides than a rubix cube, depth for days,

admirable ways and am quite a site to see on most days.

Always real - oh but lets get back to the mirror.

I was beauty clothed in skin

reflecting back at me the beauty from within.

From head to toe a slip of a girl, with big sexy hair

and a heart of gold that she loves to share.

I AM beautiful in every way.

AND if you take a CLOSER look @ you , you'll see

you're beautiful too...

                                             #EWAY

THE BROKEN BUTTERFLY JOURNALS PART 4

I want to be confident, successful and strong, but everything and everyone around me is screaming "you're a failure.
I regret everything I've done. 
The good turns terrible, yielding pain and tears, regret and stagnation. The mistakes and bad decisions came to collect their due, multiplying my sorrow, assaulting my tomorrow
leaving hope retarded and "I" wishing I'd departed with the rain,
washed clean without a stain. But love disappoints and truth exposes, leaving vulnerable the flower, with beautiful trembling petals, leaning, unstable from the storm, the beating of the rain, the force of the wind, the scorch of the sun.. But evening comes with it's cool, calm stillness infusing peace and harmony, sparking my creativity, setting my soul free from the pain.. Breathe easy.  All is well we'll live to love again. Till then it's just me ( eva powaful ) 
and "I" pen...

                                 #EWAY

HASTE

Why the rush

Is love running away

Love is true

Not an extension

Of you and your shlong

We could love all night long

Without penetration

exploring new sensations

But haste

Brings waste

When there is so much to savor

Like the texture of your skin

The flavor of your tongue

We could have been done

Quick

But we've only just begun

By Erica Freckleton

LOVE ABUSED

How could I love you

When I hate you

How could I forgive you

When you persist

Every attempt to get along

You resist

Cease and desist

Love is wasted 

With good thoughts And kind words

When happiness permeates

The vibration is yours

Breaking through my consciousness 

With venomous force

Slashing through my resolve 

Giving love a bad rap

When all my energy you sap

You're a thief

A mental predator

An antagonist 

Tell me my sweet

Is it devil worship you practice

Or are you a confused Baptist 

You're love is bipolar

Leaving much to be desired 

You blood sucking vampire

You're fired                         

By Erica Freckleton

I love you
even when you bruise me
and spitefully use me
when you lie to me,
amp me up then say goodbye to me 
I love you even though
you're weak and allow your lower extremities to rule you
If there was time I would school you
even though you manipulate me 
and sometimes act like you hate me
I love you,
And that's for sure
I just love myself a whole lot more

#EWAY

LOVE HAS TAKEN OVER 

Love has taken over me
Infusing me with this energy
I AM filled with it
Overflowing
I can't stop smiling and I'm glowing
The world has come alive around me
His love expands and it surrounds me
I am so glad love is here
Finally
I prayed to see real love
Right in front of me
I swore I would never love again
But left a crack in the door to let you in
Now you are the melody that my heart sings
Soft and sweet and true
You are so unique
My heart belongs to you ONLY
Your love has taken over me

By Erica Freckleton -