FRIENDS

Some friends are easy to lose

You know the ones that use you anyway

Sad to say 

But friends can be condescending 

smiling; all the while pretending

They can't wait to see you fall off track

Get with their other friends 

And talk about you behind your back

Ha ha ha

You've got some nerve trying to give me that 

Thinking you deserve to have real friends

 I don't have time to teach you 

But I'm confident Karma will reach you 

The end...

ALONE AGAIN

Well I am free again. For the first time in my life, I got dumped. Lol. Serves me right. Anyway every other time I thought it was over I cried my eyes out, thinking of all the things I would miss. But I don't keep dwelling on things that are not soon to change. It didn't make us happy. He obsessed about inconsequential things and maybe so did I. But as I told him before we got started, I sincerely hope we both find happiness, I still say the same now. I have come to the realization that I am not ready for love. I will never be if my honesty and openness will always be used as a weapon against me. I refuse to be treated as a whore, when I know my intentions are pure. He taught me something though, fear and paranoia will drive you to destroying all possibility of happiness. I saw myself in him. But I will not allow my fears to destroy me. I wanna love him but he's too far from me.

I remember in the beginning

I had the feeling he was not mine

Now I feel stupid

I should have listened to my guide

And avoided all this pain inside

Still, I had to prove it

I don't mind being alone or celibate

But he felt so good in my arms

And I'll miss the way he looked at me

Always telling me I'm beautiful

To be truthful those days quickly passed anyway

He was more concerned with my pass than today

Here I am right before you

Open to you

So inlove

Yet you're distracted

My past is all you can think of

Presently, I am here waiting for you to love me

But you're distraction tells

Exactly what you think of me

Shame on me

For not trusting myself

And going back on my word

I deserve...

-Moshia'

PENETRATE ME

I wanna make love to you

Not just sex for sex sake

Real love, you inside of me

And I inside of you

Our hearts and minds

And bodies connected

But when I reach out

I feel so rejected

My heart hurts

And my body aches

Let's just make love

For loves sake

Put the stars back in my eyes

While I submit with open thighs

My heart is open too

As we join I can think of only you

Make love to me papi

Make me feel like you love me

Worship every inch of my skin

Touch and taste me

Penetrate me

With your warm affections

This feels so right

So why does everything else go so wrong?

-Moshia'

THE BROKEN BUTTERFLY JOURNALS # 25

I missed him, so I stopped reading, stopped writing and decided to ask him to come in the room and chill with me. I thought a movie would be nice, a massage and a head start maybe. He was watching the reviews of some game on tv.. How about he told me I was selfish, Is there anyone out there with a penis, where did I go wrong? HUH? I just started to cry and decided I wanted back my old life. It made more sense.
I need to stop obsessing about him and focus on manifesting.
Focus is everything, which is why I'm very careful about what I choose to focus on. Always guarding my eye gates and ears, to only let the good in so I can stay positive and focus on good things. Some people find the way I choose to live aggravating, but it's my life and my choice, they need to go make some decisions of their own. This is how the broken butterfly roll. I know myself, I know what's best for me. I've made certain decisions along the way and while I'm willing to share my life and compromise certain things, the things regarding my mental health and emotional stability are written in stone. If that's hard to understand I suggest leaving me alone.
I don't watch the news, I don't read tabloids, I prefer not to listen to music that degrades women, I don't indulge in watching prejudice, perverted or twisted movies, and that's just me. This might seem geeky but that's just me. These choices were made of necessity, because they are indeed necessary. Every man has a right to choose. I AM woman and I have chosen. Some say I am crazy and I live in my own world, but we all do, it just happens I'm not pointing the finger at you.
I try not to infringe upon the rights of others. I Try to understand their pain, I try to act accordingly, It's etched in my brain. I require the same kindness. I fully realize that everyone has issues and I can accept people for who they are or leave them to grow, I require the same.

I can't be the picture you'd like to paint
And I won't get bent out of shape
I am already a masterpiece
But you keep trying to recreate me
If you can't love me the way I am
Leave me alone 
To find someone who can...

-Moshia'

#icanonlybeme...

MY THOUGHTS ON SEX

I like to have sex

And when I do

It feels like I become one with my lover

He and I wrapped up in each other

Our hearts clap hands in unison

The separation ends temporarily

Our breathing and movements match perfectly

We vibrate on the same plane

We create love

Express love

We connect and combine energy

Every-time he makes love to me

All that we are becomes one

New life has begun

I Love making love to a partner 

That loves me and I him

This way it actually has meaning

Sex should be sacred

Between 1 man and 1 woman

Who are totally in love 

It is the ultimate expression of 

LOVE

Mating, Joining, coupling 

Skin connecting to skin

Connecting to heart 

Connecting to body and soul

Sometimes MIND too

Total oneness just between us two 

That's where we create

And recreate ourselves

Multiplying and manifesting

Now we're really sexing

Without the glove

I think sex is best

When you're in-love...

-Moshia'

#justmythoughts...

THE BROKEN BUTTERFLY JOURNALS # 24

I've been reading "Sex Magic for Beginners " by Skye Alexander (a book about sexual transmutation), which I thought would be very sexual, but actually it's very metaphysical. Had I truly believed it was metaphysical, I would have already read it.
Anyway it discusses intention, writing to manifest, the power of words, even the effects of words on water. 
I am very impressed ( 6 chapters in ).















Yesterday I wrote Courtney a poem called "You Are Beautiful". It's strange but, he just walked out the door on to the balcony where I sat reading my book and asked "are you writing" I responded "no", and then he went back in. I smiled inside and grabbed my pencil and book to write and voila.

Each time I write
There is something inside me
That's always ready to criticize me
It always tells me "you can do better"
Which leaves me feeling dissatisfied
No matter how hard I tried

I'm not angry with my art
But I always thought
The best part was the feeling of fulfillment
Maybe I don't feel this
Because all of this is just practice
To get my feet
On fulfillment street

Well thanks I feel much better
I'll just continue without getting weary
One day the world will feel me
And I will feel fulfilled
Anyway
These lines brought me much comfort
Thank you Source
All the praise is yours...

-Moshia'

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL

I marvel @ his beauty

His light shines so bright

And praise my creator

For our meeting that 1st night

He is always positive and driven

Utilizing what he's been given

Talented and courageous

Ready to defend what's his

His family, his country

Even those that oppose him

Loving and patient

His kindness knows no end

Genuine and thoughtful

And he's good to all his friends

I admire all these qualities

And hope the others will understand

Why I passed by them all

And gave my heart to this man...

-Moshia'

THE BROKEN BUTTERFLY JOURNALS # 23

Today my horoscope said: IF I CAN THINK OR SAY IT THEN I CAN HAVE IT. Then it said: Don't waste this ENERGY...
Hmm... What motivation. So I started writing my metaphysical commands again, immediately after reading that. I had slacked off since last year. The difference is evident in my life.
Well time to stop messing around and do what I do best. MANIFEST...
Sometimes the struggle and the troubles and friends turning to frienemies, can suck you dry and sap your energy. Which can cause you to embrace discouragement, depression and frustration even fear, but like Maya Angelou " I RISE", like Lauren Hill "I GET OUT OF ALL THOSE BOXES", like Martin Luther King "I HAVE A DREAM", and like Naruto Uzumaki "I WILL BE HOKAGE OF MY VILLAGE". Lol.
I am so grateful for the direction my creator is steering me in. Gladly I AM back in the flow of things...
Flowing gently with the stream.

I AM energized
to organize
And put my life back to rights
I have everything I need
To succeed
Right here @ my disposal
My mind is in tact
CLEAR
Like clean water
My body is in perfect health
Thanks to MIND
My creator
The children are in order
And my man is in my ear
Like "You can do it Girl
Me and you
We will conquer the world
Plus I can do anything
I set my mind to
EVA POWAFUL
Need I remind you...

-Moshia' Eva Powaful Pen.............

  Hope you like the daily ramblings of THE BROKEN BUTTERFLY on her way FROM BROKEN TO BEAUTIFUL.

SELFISH

Sexual arousal makes us very selfish.

Sometimes rude and downright offensive 

Not to mention expensive. 

It's a sensitive topic to discuss 

but we gon talk about it or bust. 

Let's rename it lust 

And stop tryn to be cute. 

When the front end lifts and hardens

May god pardon your soul

That's usually when shit gets outa control

Cuchies are a mess too

Evidenced by what some girls do

But not U girl

Them other ones

Who pretend to be angelic 

But use their twat to cause damage

To taunt and lure the weak one 

Who's already entangled... 

Hmm dirty pool my girl,

Now his home life has been dismantled

What a crying shame 

All in the name of lust

I refuse to allow this devious emotion 

To rule me 

And use my vagina to screw me 

I am a mf G

You aint know

You betta ask somebody

You can be too if you choose to be

Cause it's all about choices

So choose wisely 

Play nicely... 

 #dropyourdisguisesandbereal...

FEAR IS NOT AN OPTION...

Step forward into the light
Everything you are will be seen
Embrace your individuality
Wear your divinity with pride
Exuding confidence in every stride 
Hold your head high
There is only one you
Perfect in all dimensions
Just what your life required

Pay close attention to you
you are a marvelously exquisite creature
Each intricate detail
Took shape in the mind of the creator

We must step forth boldly
With polished talents at the ready
We all possess a special gift
To contribute as we grow
Fear is not an option
Boldly we must sew...

YOU

It's hard to tolerate your insecurities
Though I have plenty
It's easy to complain
Even so, I wish you'd maintain
It's easy to lie to you
Though I require truth
But I love you
Here's proof
I spend so much time with you
And we're always making plans
I would die for you
Sell my soul
Lose my right hand
As long as you love me
All is well

Damn you don't believe me
when I lie so eloquently
And cover my tracks too
What's a man gotta do

He's impatient, irritable
Usually stressed
But he depends on me
For his happiness
Then why lie and cheat
This will undo me
Always trying  to creep out with Suzie
YOU don't love me or you
Otherwise you'd pay closer attention
To What YOU do... Hmmmm

YOU'RE FIRED

How could I love you

When I hate you

How could I forgive you

When you persist

Every attempt to get along

You resist

Cease and desist

Love is wasted With good thoughts

And kind words

When happiness permeates

The vibration is yours

Breaking through my consciousness

With venomous force

Slashing through my resolve

Taking me off center

Giving love a bad rap

When all my energy you sap

You're a thief

A mental predator

An antagonist 

Tell me my sweet

Is it devil worship you practice

Or are you a confused Baptist 

You're love is bipolar

Leaving much to be desired 

You blood sucking vampire

You're fired                        

Dedicated to the sand paper that was my husband.

Thank you for rubbing me smooth... 

LET... LOVE... LAST... LONGER...

LOVE AND MONEY

All this is funny

War between love and money

He said he loves me

And I am his all

But love without money is sure to fall

You need something to build on

Build with

Or love becomes a precise

A dark black hole

Where dreams go to die

bills piling up

While we're making love pie

Long love making sessions

No dinner on the table

Render your heart

Not your wallet

Better hurry up

Hit your chalice

Romance without knowledge

Is sure to cause malice

You still need

So does she

Use your energy

More constructively...

#Moshia

MASTER YOUR DOMAIN

I woke up to a knock at my door
Trouble brewing
someone awake decided to ruin my sleep
with contentious malicious words
He went in
I lost my composure and broke
There must be a fire cause I smell smoke
I read him his rights in a fury
Left before I decided I was judge and Jury
Hung by his own tongue
But war is no fun
So I decided to go
Before the gun show

Am I weak
A pushover even
I think not
It takes more courage to walk away
Than to allow anger to slay the fool
Without remorse
Quickly thrown off course
By the peace stealer
I must master my domain
So I can still call myself
That EVA POWAFUL dame..

#EWAY

THE BROKEN BUTTERFLY JOURNALS # 22

ON the 1st day of the month I woke up feeling separate from my lover, still tired, blah. Then looked outside to find I was missing my car. It rained all day on and off, outside and in.
I felt for the 1st time in a long time, the crushing, crippling weight of my life's troubles boxing me in. I cried and threw things, I stretched, danced and wrote, but my heart was still alone somewhere on a deserted island. He told me several different times in several different ways we wouldn't last. Said he needed to go back to his ways in the past.
I use to feel special around him, now I feel like a burden, a leper again. I wanted so bad to be lovers and friends, but sometimes It feels like we just f*** and pretend. I am not happy, neither is he, sometimes we just pretend to be. I don't know what to do, love seems so unstable and my heart is confused, all this tug o war is love abuse.
Why can't we all just get along? Is wanting peace and ka'necctedness wrong? Everyone tells me how strong I am, but I feel so weak, always getting carried away by the words they speak. I was minding my own business when you sought me out. Now I live under your spotlight, what's that about? Seems to me you moved me where you wanted me to be, with your love-filled speech. I was an eager student, love was within reach.
But alas every thought I knew was fact. I went around in circles, just to arrive back at the truth. It didn't change, I did. I gave up most of me, just to see, I was right at 1st blush. Love should never be in a rush. If he loves me he'll wait, but he was spoiled and hasty, letting go was tasty, but now love's in ruins, only thing left is screwing, and I dry as the desert. Think I'll skip dessert and find for my worth...

#startover

Surrounded by disappointment and hate... Still I levitate... And I always will remain that EVA POWAFUL dame...

IS IT LIFE THAT DOES EVIL OR PEOPLE?

Life is always happening
Even when we sleep life is wide awake
Something always brewing
No matter what we're doing good or bad
Always fresh trouble and new struggles bubbling in the pot
I see the wicked crushing hope
And killing confidence
Without recompense,
I see the rapist n murder prosper
And turn into a philosopher,
they've figured it out
Life don't care if you live clean
God is just friggin mean
Only the wicked get it
Just ask Patrick
Perfectly healthy
Wealth in tact
Only his victims are off track
Justice is just ice
Life ain't nice to pussys
Just the ones who push me
Would you care if I was at the edge ready to jump
Or would I just be giving you exactly what you want?
They say life is evil
but it's people that do evil
Life is just a word,
Something to blame for being nasty
And causing pain
I've never seen the devil
I saw true evil
Through people...

#angrygirlspazzingonpaper