THE BROKEN BUTTERFLY JOURNALS #9

9:45 AM

Am I going crazy? I told him I love him last night and went far beyond where I comfortably dare! He told me if I didn't render certain services he would simply get them elsewhere. I did it. Not because I wanted to, because he pressured me to. I could tell a lie, but to myself I'm true. I don't know if it was the liquor or my inner freak, but I enjoyed letting go and I enjoyed the way it made me feel. Felt like I was going up, up and away ( lol ) till I thought I would burst from all the pressure. I like _. I like the way he makes me feel when we are out together, I like all the attention he gives me. I don't know why his being so god damn comfortable and sure of himself makes me so nervous. He knows so little of me and wants so much from me. I am afraid that one day he will change his mind and leave me feeling a fool. He's so thoughtful, great cook, love music, allows me to be myself and accepts me the way I am and I am not bombarded by any (other) female issues.

Is he just a great player
Is his heart true
Is he all I dreamed of and am just too scared
I suddenly feel so unprepared
What do I do inner G please instruct me
Don't let me love another man that don't love me
Don't let me degrade myself once more
And lose what I've fought so hard for
I deserve to be loved
Please let him be true
Better yet please let him love me like you

Always eva powaful... LET IT BE

#WAY